The Katakana Challenge

Yeah. It was probably not a good idea to try to learn Katakana while I was on a diet. 

Recently I enrolled in an intensive Japanese language school. My first goal as a student is to finally master Katakana, one of the Japanese writing systems.

How hard can Katakana be really? I can do this, right? I have memorized my childrens' social security numbers. Mostly. I have memorized all our computer passwords. I have memorized cell phone numbers from two countries that we live in. I have memorized the secret chocolate and mint bar recipe from my husband's family. I've memorized song lyrics, packing tips, moving lists and spelling hints like "i before E except after C." I know how to remember the planets in order: My Very Educated Mother Just Saw Uncle Nick (Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune).

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I can't do this.

It seems that my brain is full of social security numbers, passwords, phone numbers, song lyrics,  chocolate recipes and planets.

"Now, remember," my sensei reminded me. "This is basic Katakana. But there are additional Katakana sounds.  This little dot here above the syllable turns the H sound into a P.  Ha Hi Hu He Ho is now Pa Pi Pu Pe Po. And these short lines turn the K sound to a G sound. The T sound to a D sound. The H sound to a B sound..."

Can I do this? Can I do this? Can I do this?

I have to do this.  My first Japanese language "test" is coming up and I really want to pass.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

So today is my "practice test" to see how well I can read Katakana without looking at my workbook and to see if I can successfully read a menu and place an order in Japanese.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. 

During LBK (Life before Katakana), when I was looking for something to order, like a salad for instance, I would literally look for salad. I would look on menus for pictures of salad and then point at it and then point at myself. Or, I would look for plastic replicas of salads in the restaurant display case and then point to it and then point to myself. Or, I would wait for another customer to order salad and then point to their salad and point to myself. Or, I admit, during LBK I have had to pantomime a salad. And, believe me, it is really hard to pantomime lettuce and carrots. Usually in my awkward pantomime communication panic, I would pantomime being a rabbit. Unfortunately, that usually ended up with the waiter pointing me in the direction of the nearest pet shop.

But now, I am experiencing LAK (Life After Katakana) which means I can read and understand some of written Japanese. I now know that salad in Katakana is  サラダ. I can read it and I can order it. LAK means no more hopping around and twitching my nose for carrot sticks.

But for some reason today I can't find and read any menus that have healthy sarada.  For some reason, the only menus I can read have high calorie Katakana words. I am surrounded by menus with ケキ cake  and 　クーキ　cookie and  デザト  dessert and  アイス　クリム　ice cream.

I guess that's it. I guess the only way to improve my Japanese skills is to speak what I currently know. Apparently, right now, I only know how to order cake. Looks like I will be eating a lot of cake.
Looks like I will be wearing my elastic-waist band Thanksgiving pants a little bit longer.

And, that is when I saw it. Actually, that is when I read it. I just turned my head the next display over and saw another Katakana word that I could read.

スパンクス

Su-pa-n-ku-su.

I pronounced it again. Su-pa-n-ku-su. What is it? What does this sign say?

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I read it a little faster.
Spa-n-k-s. Spanks. Spanks? What does that mean?

Oh my.

I got it now: Spanx ®! The slimming...shapely layering...piece. 

Is it just coincidental that the only things I can read in Japanese are sweets and Spanx?

"Kore o futatsu to kore o futatsu chuumon shitte kudasai," I ordered confidently.  Two of those, I asked as I pointed to the cake, and two of those I asked as I pointed to the Spanx. Please.

(Yeah, I admit. I need to work on my number quantities. Right now I only know how to order two of something.)

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. 

And I did it.

I proudly ate my cake while wearing my Spanx. OK, I did feel pangs of guilt--unless that is the slimming/hugging feeling, but I was actually very proud of myself that I read AND ordered in  Japanese.

Besides, I had followed my teacher's advice when she sent me on this Katakana practice test mission.  She told me "GANBATTE KUDASAI.  DEMO MURISHINAI DE KUDASAI."
(Hang in there/Do your best, but don't do the impossible).

I believe that just might be my new motto.